As I begin this new journey and chapter of my life by starting ElevatEd Academic Coaching & Consulting, I believe it’s essential for potential clients to understand that I have been where you’ve been. College is not easy for anyone. It can be particularly challenging for those with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and/or those from other underrepresented populations. As October is ADHD Awareness month, anyone with ADHD needs to understand that an education can seem daunting and overwhelming at times, but that you can succeed. You may read some things that resonate with you, and I hope this instills hope in you that you can complete your degree as well.
It’s important to note that I am not a medical doctor and I am not a licensed mental health counselor. I am an educator and researcher with a love of inquiry and a commitment to providing information that helps individuals critically think and make informed decisions. Any medical information provided in this blog includes references to where I found the information, and I encourage you to read further and make your own educated decisions about the content. I am not providing medical or mental health advice; this is my personal story.
I’m a believer in transparency, so this blog is a deeper dive into my struggles and what I’ve found to help me through my college journey. This is my personal story, and what worked for me may not work for you. I have found that life is a lot of trial and error. As much as I earn for the “right” way to do something, there is very little that is black and white.
I am a first-generation college graduate and an adult learner. I completed my second master’s degree while working full-time as a single adult. I completed my Ph.D. (online) at the age of 41 while working full-time, being disabled, and being a husband and a father to three kids. All of my immediate family members are also diagnosed with ADHD.
I am a late-diagnosed ADHDer who was misdiagnosed with solely Anxiety and Depression for over 20 years, by many different doctors in multiple states within the U.S. I always wondered why, no matter what other types of medicine I was prescribed for those mental health disorders (since the age of 16), my symptoms never truly seemed to dissipate. Once properly diagnosed and medicated for ADHD, my eyes were truly opened to what life could be like.
ADHD is only one major life challenge that I face daily, unfortunately. In 2022, I was also diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis and found myself in the ICU 4 times within two years. I will write more about this neuromuscular disease later. Additionally, this occurred directly after defending my dissertation proposal to begin my research, causing a two-year delay. Fortunately, I was able to complete my doctorate after becoming more stable after finding a suitable treatment.
As we are focusing on ADHD awareness month, this initial blog will focus on my most impactful challenges that come with my ADHD and how it has impacted my educational journey. But first, what is ADHD?
What is ADHD?
- Inattention, such as having difficulty paying attention, keeping on task, or staying organized
- Hyperactivity, such as often moving around (including during inappropriate times), feeling restless, or talking excessively
- Impulsivity, such as interrupting, intruding on others, or having trouble waiting for one’s turn
It’s typical for individuals to exhibit these behaviors occasionally. Nonetheless, for those with ADHD, these behaviors are often present and manifest in various contexts, including school, home, work, or while interacting with family and friends.
It’s essential to understand that when you explore the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-5 (DSM-5) criteria for ADHD, it might be easy to think, “We all have those moments,” or “Could we all be a bit ADHD?” However, if you truly experience ADHD, these symptoms are not just mere quirks or attention-seeking behaviors. They stem from a nervous system that is struggling to regulate itself due to various underlying factors. This can significantly interfere with daily life and personal development, making it a challenging experience. It’s essential to approach this topic with compassion and awareness of its impact on those who live with it.
Understanding ADHD is still evolving, and it’s essential to recognize that from a scientific perspective. Here is a brief timeline about ADHD. It’s important to realize that many of the underlying symptoms associated with ADHD often go unmentioned in the official diagnostic criteria outlined in the DSM-5. This can be frustrating for those who experience ADHD, as it is categorized as a neurodevelopmental disorder. As research advances and our understanding of ADHD deepens, there are ongoing discussions about whether the current terminology truly captures the complexities of this condition. It’s essential to listen to these conversations and support individuals navigating their experiences with ADHD.
Understanding adult diagnoses of conditions like ADHD can be quite nuanced. Clinicians consider not only the current behaviors of adults but also how childhood experiences have shaped them in adulthood, particularly in contexts such as work or the management of essential tasks, such as paying bills.
When we think of hyperactivity, we often picture someone who is constantly restless and unable to sit still. However, for many adults, this hyperactivity can feel more internal, manifesting as a restless mind, impulsive behavior, and challenges with emotion regulation. Understandably, some individuals may engage in subtle energy-releasing behaviors, such as pacing or tapping their fingers, to cope. These expressions may often go unnoticed or be dismissed, even though they can be significant indicators of deeper issues.
For children, restlessness can present differently. Without the necessary tools to express their feelings, they may experience anxiety, which can be confusing and overwhelming. By recognizing these varying manifestations, we can approach the situation with empathy and a better understanding of the challenges faced at both stages of life. This article provides a breakdown of the key differences between children and adults.
I hope this gives you a bit more insight into what ADHD is and provides you with some helpful resources for further learning. It’s essential to recognize that many dedicated individuals spend their entire lives studying ADHD, so this brief overview certainly doesn’t capture the full complexity of the disorder. However, starting your educational journey is a meaningful step, and I encourage you to explore and seek knowledge as you go.
Now, I want to share my experiences with ADHD and how my symptoms have shaped my educational journey. It’s essential to recognize that Executive Functioning plays a vital role in achieving success in various aspects of life, including work and education. Unfortunately, many individuals with ADHD, including myself, struggle with Executive Dysfunction, which can affect many areas of our lives. This realization can be challenging but understanding it is an essential step toward finding effective strategies and support.
Executive Dysfunction
Executive dysfunction encompasses a wide range of cognitive functions, including working memory, focus, self-regulation, and impulse control. These challenges also significantly impact one’s abilities to plan and organize, creating a barrier that is hard to surmount.
For many, procrastination might seem like just a simple personal shortcoming, but for those of us facing attention-related challenges, it affects us deeply. Procrastination—a word often laden with stigma—has been a constant struggle for me. For a long time, I convinced myself that I worked best under pressure. While there are times when that’s the case, it doesn’t ease the immense stress and impact it has on my nervous system.
Over the years, these cognitive challenges have distorted my self-image, causing me to see myself as an underachiever and struggle with feelings of laziness. While there are times when my lack of action stems from fatigue or lack of motivation, there are many moments when I have experienced debilitating task paralysis. This issue was particularly pronounced during my college years and continued into the early stages of my Ph.D. program before being diagnosed and starting medication for treatment.
Planning and Organization
Receiving an ADHD diagnosis at 35 brought clarity to many of the challenges I had faced with time management and managing my academic responsibilities. It was a relief to understand why I struggled so much with planning and time management. This ongoing battle created a persistent cycle of dread and anxiety for me. I often found myself in the frustrating position of cramming at the last minute to complete assignments or study for exams. While I would feel a momentary sense of relief once I met a deadline, the old pattern would quickly resurface, leaving me caught in the same struggles when the next due date approached. It’s a tough cycle to break, and I can truly empathize with anyone else who has faced similar challenges.
Instead of strategically dividing my workload into manageable segments, I gave in to the tempting calls of spontaneous activities that provided a temporary escape. Even though I knew studying was essential, I could easily lose four hours at the campus gym playing basketball. I became utterly engrossed in the game while my academic responsibilities loomed in the background.
It was only when a deadline was approaching—like an assignment due in just two hours—that a strong surge of motivation would kick in, pushing me to take action. This also triggered another common trait of ADHD: hyperfocus. When a task sparked my interest or when I was under pressure, I could fully immerse myself in the assignment, concentrating as if my very future depended on it.
This intense focus often took a significant toll on my mental and physical health. Looking back on those times, I realize my nervous system was constantly in a heightened state of alert—often reaching an overwhelming 15 out of 10 during finals week. The consequences were predictable: I would inevitably get sick for about two weeks, struggling with exhaustion and stress-related ailments after each demanding finals period.
Planners are not my friend
I often found myself purchasing a brand-new planner each year, believing that this would finally be the year I would use it consistently. However, my enthusiasm usually fades after just one or two weeks. Those with ADHD can have challenges maintaining structure and sticking to routines, which can make organizing and prioritizing tasks feel daunting. This difficulty often leads to procrastination and can increase the stress one experiences in managing everyday responsibilities.
I completely understand how challenging it can be to use a planner effectively. It’s common to feel overwhelmed when you start adding every task —from everyday chores to larger commitments —to your to-do list. That overwhelming sensation can make it tough to get started, especially when you’re dealing with executive dysfunction. It can be challenging to figure out which tasks should take priority, leading to a sense of chaos and inefficiency. Rather than making steady progress, it’s easy to find yourself floundering between tasks, and that can be a frustrating experience. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way.
Sensory Processing Difficulties
Sensory processing disorder is quite common among individuals with ADHD, with up to 60% of those with ADHD also experiencing some symptoms of SPD. The nuances and experiences associated with sensory processing challenges are complex and significantly impact daily life and personal well-being for many, including myself.
To clarify, I do not have an official diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). SPD, also known as sensory integration disorder, involves a range of challenges individuals face when their senses do not process information in a typical way. This can lead to difficulties in interacting with the world around them. While awareness of SPD has increased and it has gained more attention in clinical discussions, it remains a contentious topic among professionals. It is not classified as an official diagnosis in the DSM-5.
Overcoming distractions has always been a significant challenge for me, primarily due to my sensory processing difficulties. These challenges can manifest in various ways for individuals with ADHD, including heightened sensitivity to certain textures, specific foods, and bothersome sounds. Additionally, I often experience visual overstimulation, making me easily distracted by my surroundings.
During my undergraduate and master’s degree studies, I wouldn’t exactly describe myself as someone who maintained a clean apartment. My place was certainly not an example of how to keep an environment tidy. As someone who is easily distracted visually, this was a poor combination for studying at home. Whenever I attempted to study, my desk was cluttered with dishes, bills, and CDs (yes, I’m dating myself again).
In my room, my TV and desk faced the window, which overlooked the parking lot. For some reason, I often kept the window blinds drawn, wanting to see the cars passing by and people walking, which only distracted me further. Looking back, I realize I subconsciously did this to keep an eye on which neighbor was coming home, giving me an excuse to go hang out with them instead of focusing on my studies.
For these reasons and others, studying at my apartment was rarely effective. It wasn’t until the last few years of my Ph.D. program that I finally established a more defined study space. Even then, it was still filled with distractions, but I had developed better coping skills, and ADHD medication helped me focus more.
One significant challenge I faced in group study settings was visual overstimulation. In busy study areas, like the large tables in the library, I often felt overwhelmed by the sight of numerous textbooks, notes, and other materials scattered around, along with the noise of several conversations happening nearby. It felt as though I were trying to focus on five different discussions at once, which left me disoriented and unable to concentrate. This issue continues to arise, especially in crowded environments like bustling restaurants, where filtering through layers of background noise can be exhausting.
One prominent condition I experience is called misophonia. This condition causes intense emotional responses to specific sounds—sounds that may seem ordinary to others but are very distressing for me. For instance, repetitive noises like chewing, tapping, or even breathing can provoke significant discomfort and irritability, leading to what is known as a “misophonic reaction.” These reactions are not just mild annoyances; they can evoke overwhelming feelings of anger, anxiety, or frustration.
Experiencing irritating sounds often triggers my misophonia, causing me to become fixated on that noise or other potentially aggravating sounds in my surroundings. After completing my first year of college, I found myself leaning towards solitary study sessions. Group study environments, which were once a source of collaboration and support, became battlegrounds for my attention. If a fellow student’s voice or even a distant conversation caught my ear, I found it challenging to regain my focus on the task at hand. I believe this fixation negatively affected my academic performance, as studying with peers has been shown to enhance learning outcomes and improve information retention. The concept of the Protégé Effect suggests that teaching others not only reinforces their understanding but also deepens the teacher’s grasp of the material.
It wasn’t until the second semester of my first year that I discovered my passion for techno music. This genre became a sanctuary for my mind, allowing me to immerse myself in rhythmic beats that effectively drowned out distracting verbal noise. The absence of lyrics in most techno tracks is particularly beneficial, creating an auditory backdrop that feels almost like a gentle massage for my brain. Scientific studies have shown that techno music can produce positive physiological and psychological responses.
To create a more suitable study environment, I chose the study cubicles on the library’s quieter floors—areas where talking was prohibited. While occasional whispering still filtered through, most students adhered to this guideline, resulting in a significantly more peaceful atmosphere that enhanced my concentration. Combined with my headphones and the immersive experience of electronic music, this environment transformed my study sessions, considerably improving my ability to absorb and retain information —a hurdle I had been facing.
Working Memory
It is estimated that around 80% to 85% of children with ADHD face challenges with working memory when assessed through cognitive tasks. These challenges often follow into adulthood. Working memory influences how individuals process and retain information, as well as how they follow instructions. For instance, working memory is engaged when recalling items on a grocery list or executing multi-step directives.
Being in a large lecture hall with 400 other students during my general education courses (the classes taken in the first two years of college) meant that learning was primarily done through listening to the professor speak for an hour straight. This setup required me to take extensive notes while listening to the professor and trying to grasp the concepts being taught. To say this was challenging would be an understatement. I often felt compelled to write down almost every word I heard, or else the information would go “in one ear and out the other.” I accepted this as just the way things were and kept pushing through.
It’s no surprise that I often found I learned better by teaching myself the material. I would go back to the textbook to understand the concepts visually, then try to decipher my hastily written notes, which were often half illegible due to my frantic writing. In 2001, we didn’t have the technology to record lectures or convert those recordings into easily readable notes.
Looking back, it’s clear why my younger self thought that class was a “waste of time.” The reality was that it wasn’t a waste; my brain simply couldn’t process all the information at once. Coupled with my sensory processing issues, it becomes apparent how challenging my college journey was and why I always felt like I really didn’t belong and was an impostor on a college campus waiting to be exposed as a fraud.
Imposter Syndrome
If you find yourself doubting your accomplishments and worrying about what others think of your skills, you may be experiencing imposter syndrome. Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern in which individuals doubt their achievements and fear being exposed as a fraud, despite clear evidence of their competence. Even after completing my Ph.D., I still struggle with imposter syndrome. While individuals with ADHD can experience imposter syndrome, not everyone with ADHD will be affected by it. Several signs of imposter syndrome can manifest in those with ADHD, including undue pressure they place on themselves, engaging in people-pleasing behaviors such as an inability to say no to others, and avoiding confrontation or rejection by any means necessary.
People with ADHD often struggle to take credit for their successes, frequently attributing their accomplishments to external factors instead. This can lead them to dismiss compliments or positive affirmations from others. Additionally, individuals with ADHD may often measure their abilities and achievements against those of others. This comparison can distort their self-perception, as they tend to focus on people who seem to be doing better while downplaying their own successes. The pressure to appear capable in the eyes of others can contribute to the byproduct of imposter syndrome.
Individuals with ADHD often feel the need to conceal their true selves and behaviors, adopting a persona that helps them blend in with neurotypical individuals. For example, someone with ADHD may have to make various adjustments to cope with challenges related to forgetfulness, attention difficulties, or poor time management. As a result, they may fear that their true selves will be “exposed,” revealing that they are not as capable or confident as they appear. This can lead to increased symptoms of performance anxiety, fatigue, and a sense of disconnection from their authentic selves.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome remains a lifelong journey for me. One of the most significant ways this has impacted my studies, particularly during my doctoral program, is my constant pursuit of perfection. Perfectionism can significantly contribute to imposter syndrome in individuals with ADHD, so addressing this issue directly may help you navigate daily life more effectively. Accepting that absolute perfection does not exist and recognizing that making mistakes is a natural part of life is an essential first step.
If you find yourself comparing yourself to others —which is likely to happen —remember that there are two sides to everything. While someone may excel in certain areas, you also possess unique skills and talents that others may not have. It’s essential to practice kindness towards yourself and to learn to forgive your mistakes.
My pursuit of perfection often leads me to focus on my weaknesses and constantly think about how to improve everything. I have to remind myself to shift my thoughts toward my strengths. Receiving positive validation from people whose opinions matter to me can be a helpful step on this journey.
A recent example of this occurred during my doctoral defense. I’ve always struggled with self-doubt about my writing abilities (hello, imposter syndrome), and I spent nearly a month editing my final draft to make it perfect, right up until I submitted it. Even then, I still felt unsatisfied with some of the paragraphs and believed that some information was missing. However, one of my committee members praised my dissertation, saying it was one of the best-written dissertations he had ever read. I’ve learned the value of writing everything down to create a visual record of my achievements—it serves as a reminder of all the great things I have accomplished.
As a high school senior, I struggled significantly with comparing myself to others during my college search. My GPA and test scores were decent, but not in the top 10% or even the top 20% of my class. I vividly remember sitting in my guidance counselor’s office to discuss my college applications and future plans. When I mentioned my dream school, she snickered and said, “You may want to find some other schools to apply to.” I was caught off guard, and that moment triggered my tendency to make comparisons.
It’s also challenging at that stage of life when people are more likely to share information that isn’t always necessary. I often heard about other students getting accepted to various prestigious schools. Many of my classmates were applying to 10, 20, or even 30 colleges, while I had only applied to three universities.
Comparisons truly began in earnest during graduate school. Struggling with my undiagnosed ADHD, I often felt like I didn’t belong from the very beginning. Admittedly, my writing skills were minimal when I entered my first master’s degree program, as my undergraduate degree was not writing-intensive. In my first written exam for the Theory of College Student Development course, I scored a 53. Almost every sentence was marked in red. When the next exam came around, I did score slightly higher; however, I couldn’t help but notice that my peers, who were achieving much better grades, seemed to have figured out how to address their mistakes from the first exam.
Throughout that first year, I constantly felt the need to know my classmates’ scores so I could compare my grades to theirs. Looking back, I realize that this was a waste of my time and energy. Many of my peers had completed undergraduate programs that focused heavily on writing, with their entire coursework based on written exams.
As I pursued my doctoral degree, my feelings of imposter syndrome became overwhelming. Throughout the entire program, I often felt that I wasn’t smart enough or dedicated enough to be working towards this degree. Balancing a full-time job and raising a family, I struggled to devote the time many believe a doctoral student should to their studies. Fortunately, I had a major professor who understood my personal circumstances and helped ensure I could participate in meaningful skill development, such as publishing research articles and assisting in teaching a course. However, I still found myself comparing my progress to that of my peers, particularly one with the same major professor.
I admired this peer, and we had the opportunity to collaborate on a published article about our shared experiences as fathers navigating the journey of completing a doctoral degree while balancing family life. After a couple of years, he transitioned to full-time student status, allowing him to focus more on his studies, conduct research, and assist our shared major professor. Unfortunately, I often felt I should be doing more like him, especially since I frequently heard about all the great things he was accomplishing. This led me to believe that I wasn’t doing enough in my own pursuits.
Overcoming imposter syndrome is a lifelong process in my eyes. I have come to understand and appreciate that each person is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses. It’s important to acknowledge that you are worthy of praise, compliments, and love, just as anyone else is. When I find myself comparing myself to others, I strive to shift my focus to self-reflection. When I begin to diminish my accomplishments, I take a step back and remind myself to turn those thoughts into actionable steps for my own growth journey.
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